Magic Snuck Up On Me

And Thawed My Frozen Heart

In a previous post I described The Day My Life Tipped Upside Down, ending life as we knew it. Today’s post is a sequel, so if you haven’t read that story, I recommend following the link and reading it first. I’ll wait for you…

I left you last time with me feeling frozen (emotionally) and trying to hold my children’s lives together as best I could. My own healing would have to wait, or so I thought. What I wasn’t expecting was the cascade of weird things that followed, changing my life from the inside out. Some things may seem small to you, but it was the way they felt inside of me that made them life-changing. Looking back, I would say there was an intuitive hit of significance to them. These things don’t seem so weird now, but at the time they felt like madness.

I will begin with something that happened about a year into our new reality, because it has become a metaphor for everything that unfolded.

A Puzzling Gift

One day I received a package in the post, wrapped in brown paper, addressed to me. I ripped off the paper to find a children’s magic kit, complete with hat, rabbit, magic rings and (of course) a magic wand. I had not ordered this and there was nothing to identify where it had come from, so there was no way of finding out if it had been sent to the wrong person. My children weren’t interested in playing with it, so it sat on my bedside shelf, a puzzle to ponder.

This magic kit became a symbol of the many surprise gifts we received. Some gifts were wrapped in ‘pretty paper’: miracle gifts, dream gifts, serendipitous gifts, arriving on the wind. Unexpected. Other gifts were wrapped in ‘newspaper’, wrapped in the dramas and heartache of our days. These gifts were equally precious, though not immediately recognised. There were little gifts and big gifts. But gifts from who? From where? Unbidden gifts, gifts that pointed to something larger at play. Kisses from the universe, divine hugs. These gifts opened me up to the magic inside of me and to the magic of all things.

Talking Toy Gifts

One day, I was helping my boys with homework, when we heard the song Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star playing. We had no idea where it was coming from, and so we set off to look. Lots of laughter later we tracked it down to a bookshelf in another room. The shelf seemed to be singing to us. We wildly pulled books from shelves to solve the mystery. The tune was coming from a book with a panda calculator on the front. We’d picked it up from a thrift shop and had no idea it played music.

An ordinary explanation. But it didn’t feel ordinary. Just that day I’d had an epiphany about the importance of wonder, and here a book was singing to me about stars and how I wonder what you are. The book had sat on its shelf for years. Why did it choose today to show us it could play music?

It feels silly to be writing this and I want to say, ‘you had to be there’ (you did). But this singing book sent us on such a trail of joy and discovery, that I felt sure I was being guided to focus more on embracing the wonders of life.

A week later, we heard a loud chirping sound that we didn’t recognise. More tracking. More laughter. This mystery sound was coming from a huge pile of stuffed animals. We pulled toys down from my son’s top bunk, until we found the chirping culprit. A chipmunk. A chipmunk that we did not know had a battery inside (another thrift shop find). A chipmunk that had been there for ages, and only now come to life. We switched off the battery, but later that day the chirping started up again. How was the battery switching itself on? And what were these talking toys trying to tell us? I’m not exactly sure, but I am amused by the childlike fun of it all.

Connecting with our inner child is something I’m passionate about, along with re-igniting our sense of wonder and playfulness. So, perhaps it’s not surprising that the divine would speak to me through toys, through magic kits, through humour and laughter.

Oh, and something else I care deeply about is listening to nature, tuning in to the creatures and what they might be telling us. So perhaps the talking chipmunk and singing panda were simply calling me to listen.

Gifts Wrapped in ‘Newspaper’

I have many miracle gifts to share (stay tuned), but lest you think everything was rosy in the aftermath of the abuse revelation, let me first describe some gifts that came wrapped in heartbreak and struggle. Wrappings of darkness.

The first was disconnection from friends and church family. Many who I expected to embrace us in our dark hour were simply not there. (Some apologised later, explained they couldn’t handle it, didn’t know what to say.) A few jumped straight to telling us we needed to forgive. It was way too soon to hear that.

I have to confess I also put up barriers. Not wanting our situation gossiped around town, I avoided connection. I didn’t want to wear the fake mask that comes with withholding a story. I hid in my hermit shell.

So, how could disconnection be a gift, when it left me feeling so bereft and unsupported? In retrospect, it forced a fresh start, enabled me to forge a new path, without worry over what friends might think, nor fear of their judgement. Had I received support, I might have remained stuck. Instead, I was forced to trust Self and to seek my true alignments.

I have come to cherish the hermetic principle: as above, so below and as within, so without. Insights around this principle came as gifts concealed in many dark packages: blocked and burst pipes, a saga of car breakdowns, plumbing and electrical problems, mushrooms growing in our carpet, broken windows - so many things I was not equipped to deal with. Things were breaking down around us in such an exaggerated fashion, that I could not avoid seeing the connection to what was happening in our hearts. Epiphanies flowed about what each thing might be telling us and I was inspired to seek the healing that we needed. One by one, each problem was solved, sometimes in miraculous ways.

Clutter was another huge issue, especially in the shed where my husband had spent his time. It became obvious that the outer clutter paralleled the inner clutter of hearts and minds. As we cleared one, the other improved.

I feel like saying, ‘but wait, there’s more,’ and there was more, daily. But I think you get the picture.

Now, let’s shift focus to the rays of hope that shone through those dark days.

Gifts of Guidance

When the boys were at school, I scrolled the computer, seeking both distraction and answers. One day, the movie, The Secret, popped up and I watched it. The message seemed ridiculous, but it kindled something within me. From then on, I was led to videos, books, websites, exactly what I needed at just the right time. I discovered healing practices and spiritual ideas that kept expanding me, far beyond what I had experienced in church. I experimented with the ideas I was learning, tested them in my life and things started flowing.

Little Miracles

Money was tight, especially before I found employment. There were many weeks when money ran out. I had to say no to the boys way too often. But there were also money surprises along the way. One week, when my bank account was empty, I received money from six unexpected sources, making it possible to pay for my sons’ upcoming basketball carnival.

Another day, I smashed the vegie drawer of my fridge. I rang to price a replacement and they offered to send a new one free of charge. When it arrived I saw that it had been sent from Wonderland Street.

I needed to return to work, so I updated my teaching certificates and applied for an advertised job. I didn’t get an interview, but because my paperwork was now online, I was contacted a week later for a contract at a local school - no interview needed.

I was nervous sending my boys to school after being homeschooled their whole lives. How would they fit in? Well, they both won end of year awards, and one became student of the year, with a money gift attached. It felt like a miracle. As the years went by, amazing mentors came into my children’s lives to inspire them. When they each turned 14, they were offered employment, without needing to job hunt. My family was being looked after. When I felt inadequate to meet their needs, gifts came (magically) to fill the gaps.

And it wasn’t just our needs that were met. There were also fun surprises along the way. A kitten arrived on my son’s 13th birthday (which helped to heal his anger). Dolphins came to me when I silently called them (after reading Martha Beck’s experiences with calling wild animals).

One night we went to the movies to see Fantastic Beasts and How to Find Them. Toward the end, a thunderbird seeded a lightning storm. Just that week I had researched the spiritual significance of thunderbirds (they represent power, protection, transformation and divine intervention). When we left the theatre it was raining and an unseasonal lightning storm lit up the sky all the way home. Our hearts filled with joy and wonder.

Big Miracle

After the car saga had run its course, putting several cars onto the auto graveyard, we were left without a car. I perused cars for sale, but with our low budget, we would be buying more problems. We did need a vehicle though. I was about to hand over cash for a car, when I felt an uncomfortable feeling inside and decided not to go ahead with the purchase.

That afternoon there was a knock at our door. Peering out the window I realised it was a couple we hadn’t seen for many years. I froze. They had no idea what had happened to our family. I knew it would be awkward and I hid in fear, pretending not to be home. When they started walking around the house, I relented and went out to greet them. They were shocked by our news. When they heard I was searching for a car they looked at each other and smiled. “You can have our car,” they said. “We’ve just bought a new one. That’s why we’re here. We wanted to take it for a spin. You can have our old car. It’ll save us the bother of having to sell it. We’ll bring it tomorrow.”

I didn’t easily accept, but they insisted. When the car arrived, I was stunned. It was so much better than I expected, and they’d polished it up and even replaced the tyres. Plus, the man was a mechanic, so he meticulously maintained his vehicles. And bonus, it ran on LPG, much cheaper than petrol. Our ‘miracle’ car served us for many years, and I eventually passed it on to one of my sons.

Miracle Car - what a blessing!

Another Big Miracle

It took until 2020 for our property settlement to go through. I was worried that we’d be forced onto the hugely competitive rental market (with no rental history). I didn’t qualify for a mortgage because I had no regular employment during Covid (also a problem for renting). Two miracles happened to save the day. With some last minute creative thinking, my lawyer was able to win me some extra cash, and (also at the last minute) our house sold for $60,000 more than asking price. Our real estate agent couldn’t believe it. When all the calculations were finalised I had enough, to the exact dollar (I’m not kidding), to purchase a home. That home is a two minute walk to the train, giving us accessibility to the city, but also close to a beach and nature areas. It was a cheap home, but perfect for us. The joy of this miracle has not faded. I feel thankful every day.

As I write about these gifts now, all pushed together like a pile of pressies at a party, our story seems incredible. But that’s not how it felt as we were living it. I felt stuck in the overwhelming muck of our circumstance. Lessons came slowly. There was second guessing, and back and forthing. At one point I trashed the magic kit and chipmunk, convinced this ‘woo woo’ stuff was leading me down a dangerous path. I was on wobbly ground. Until I wasn’t. I went through layer upon never-ending layer of healing and clearing, always following the golden thread of what resonated in my heart. It was a journey, not to be rushed. But eventually the fog lifted and I could see more clearly.

This is my truth. When I had felt desperately alone, someone out there knew my name, knew exactly where I was, and how to send the magic in a way that would reach me. It took me time to realise that the magic was meant for me, but when I embraced it, transformation followed. Life flowed again.

How about you?

What gifts (and miracles) have you received in your life? What gifts might be concealed within your struggles? What gifts are waiting to be unwrapped?

Photo by Nina Mercado on Unsplash

Next Time:

There is a crucial part of this story that I haven’t told yet, and that is the role that writing played in my journey. Writing helped thaw my frozen heart and guide me toward freedom. In fact, this is the reason I started Life Writing Alchemy. (The chipmunk will make another appearance, too.)

For the next installment go to Write Ways to Wellbeing.

Much love,